Experience Shared: Reasons Why we end up not marrying our long time lover.

It’s difficult and it can get very overwhelming but I’m forced to face the music. Every single day since we’ve parted, I’ve been caught in limbo. I’ve lost myself and I find it incredibly hard to get out and find myself again. It’s very surreal to know that our
lives have diverged and that we are no longer walking on the same road at the sound of the same drum. We knew even before we started things that we were completely different people. We had different dreams and ambitions, but we loved each other, and we thought that love would be enough to make things work despite our differences. Instead, we’re left here. Love wasn’t enough after all, and now here we are, living out our individual lives as we did before we got together.

It’s painful to swallow because as much as we want to believe that love should be enough to fix any problems in the world, the sad reality is just otherwise. Love isn’t always going to be enough, and perhaps, we weren’t just meant to be. Despite this crushing truth, it’s still very much difficult to accept.

At times, I wish I could go back in time and just tell myself to make some compromise. Maybe I could have convinced myself to make some amendments to my notions of ambition. Perhaps, if I changed who I was and what I wanted out of life, we would still be together now; working on life as a team. Or maybe, if I changed who I was, I wouldn’t have remained the person you fell in love with in the first place. These are the kinds of thoughts that keep me up at night. These are the ideas that continue to wrack my brain because while on the outside, I may look like I’m fine, deep down, I’m not. I will be okay eventually. I know that. However, for now I am not.

As perfectly rational individuals, we decided that it would be better for us to forge our own paths and pursue our own individual passions on our own. We figured out that a relationship would only get in the way of each other’s dreams and that perhaps would serve as a source of resentment for each other. We didn’t want to let it get to that point, and so maybe I should rejoice at our maturity.

Perhaps I should be happy at how our separation was mutual, and that it was a necessary step that the both of us had to make if we were to go on and follow our dreams. For now, I am comforted by the idea that maybe sometimes, we don’t necessarily get a happy-ever-after with the person we love because life has other plans for us. Maybe our storybook ending has yet to be written, and life is planning a much grander conclusion to our narrative.