Must Read: 8 Unnoticed Things That Kill Relationship And Solutions. NO. 8 WILL SHOCK YOU.

When faced with the question of what destroys relationships, most people will think of infidelity, money issues, or a lack of communication. The truth is that the number one reason that many relationships fail comes from within. When our expectations go unmet, we often sabotage our relationships . 
if  you ask the average person what breaks relationships apart, he or she might say money, lying or cheating and that is true. But like death by a thousand paper cuts, there are even more insidious everyday habits that kill relationships too.
To create a truly happy, healthy relationship, every couple, of every stripe, should take the most overlooked and under-discussed relationship killers to heart. 
Here are most overlooked relationship killers and solutions to those bad habits.

 1. Skipping me-time:

Among unhappy couples, more people (11.5 percent) point to a lack of privacy or time for themselves as the reason for unhappiness than they do to their sex lives (6 percent). Many couples say that space, or giving each other plenty of time for self, is the single most important reason they think their relationship survived. Time alone gives partners those vital moments to process thoughts, pursue hobbies and develop new topics to talk about! Too much space or separateness isn’t good, but partners who pursue their own hobbies, interests and friends tend to be happier than those who depend on each other for everything.

Solution: Talk to your partner about the benefits of me-time, and emphasize that you still want couple time, too. Don’t keep secrets, and share with your partner some of the fun or funny things that happened during me-time.

2. Assuming you know each other:

Couples who have been together for many years sometimes believe that they know everything about their partner. Unlike when they were first dating, they stop asking each other questions and learning more about each other. Such loss of curiosity can be lethal. I call this the silent dining syndrome. Couples go out together to a restaurant but then don’t talk.

Solution: To stay happy in a relationship, partners need to talk to each other every single day, for at least 10 minutes, about anything other than the home, kids, work or their relationship. Ask questions to each other, just like when you were first dating! A side benefit of getting to know one another again is an increase in passion and excitement.

3. Staying mum about “minor” annoyances:

 A lot of couples sweep little annoyances and pet peeves under the rug. Over time, though, these small everyday irritations can add up and put a relationship on life support. It’s actually the small, everyday irritations that can accumulate if not dealt with and become big problems in relationships.

Solution: Contrary to popular belief, couples need to sweat the small stuff in their relationship to be happy and together over the long haul. Bring up the annoyances in a constructive way—pick the right time and situation to discuss, ditch all other distractions, use your “I” statements, and avoid using the words “never” and “always.”

4. Waiting for special occasions to express love:

Many couples make the mistake of waiting for special occasions, such as birthdays, anniversaries, or Hallmark-type holidays, to express loving feelings to one another. One key finding from my study is that when husbands do not receive frequent affective affirmation from their wives (defined as words, gestures, or acts that show him he is noticed, appreciated and loved) that couple is two times more likely to divorce.

Solution: Do or say something frequently to show your partner that he or she is valued and noticed. Sometimes a goodbye peck on the cheek or a thoughtful compliment is all it takes to make a partner feel loved and appreciated.

5. Seeing the glass half full:

Many couples only talk about what’s going wrong in their relationship. They end up focusing on the negative aspects of their relationship. In my study, couples who also concentrate on what’s working well — on the glass half full — were much happier over time than those who purely try to “fix” their problems.

Solution: Make a list of the top five things that are going well in your relationship and work on strengthening those positive aspects. Focusing on what’s going well in the relationship motivates you both to move forward in that relationship. Also, an optimistic approach will rub off on your partner and attract you to others who are seeing the world as “half full.”

6.We “you” the other person:

That means we tell the other person about themselves — what they should do, how they should be, and how they were, all under the guise of being helpful. When we “you” another person we’re out of own back yard. We give unsolicited advice and make negative observations. Our knee-jerk reaction is to blame, resorting to sarcasm and criticism, teasing, attacking, and finger-pointing. And the result is that if we aren’t ready for or don’t want feedback, it immediately inspires defensiveness and falls on deaf ears. These “you-ing” strategies are guaranteed to create separation and alienation. The recipient feels hurt, misunderstood, and angry. No constructive communication ensues and the receiver walls him or herself off against the pain and insult.

Solution :For example, instead of saying “You’re late. Obviously you don’t value my time.” Say “I was worried when you didn’t arrive at 5:00pm, especially since we agreed to text or call when we’re held up. I’d appreciate it if you would do that in the future so I don’t feel anxious.”

7. Comparison:

Dr. Tim Kimmel, founder and executive director of Family Matters , said comparison can be poisonous to your relationship. “I’ve seen couples miss the chance to refuel each other’s sense of security by carping about physical issues that aren’t in that person’s control. Criticism about your spouse’s body type drains their sense of security almost every time…Comparison doesn’t help a spouse feel secure, either,” Kimmel said.

Solution:

Don’t compare your partner to others. Sure, you may see an attractive person and admire his or her looks, but you should never tell your partner you wished he or she looked like that person. It is rude and one of the quickest ways to destroy your partner’s self-esteem and the relationship. Be kind to each other and celebrate your uniqueness.
8.Sexual Repression:

When one or both partners feels that their sexual needs are not being met, the topic is often placed on the back-burner. Reasons for such feeling vary but commonly involve the frequency (or lack thereof) of intercourse.
The rationale for such feelings aside, bringing up one’s sexual displeasure can feel uncomfortable for any number of reasons. For example, the person feeling repressed may consider the topic of sex to be “taboo” or unnecessary; they could be wary of the real possibility of hurting the other’s feelings, and so forth.
Despite this understandable hesitation, it is indeed an issue that requires a resolution.
Solution:
Sexual intimacy is an important part of a relationship, and intimacy can disintegrate without a healthy sex life.
Dr. Pamela Stephenson-Connolly, a sexual therapist and psychoanalyst, says: “Start by praising your partner for what is working, and reaffirm your positive feelings for him or her.
 9.Lack of trust(Jealousy)

A deficiency in trust for one’s partner can stem from having unsuccessfully navigated the “trust gap” with another, usually by having been the victim of betrayal or neglect in the past. While this lack of trust is more common in new relationships, it can surface later on in the form of suspicion.

Solution: 
Learn to trust your partner and always reduce the Jealousy in you, it can lead to things that may bring your relationship to an end.

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